Clayre. Mary.
I've gotten your emails. I'm sorry I can't tell you where I am.
I hope you realize it's for the best. Don't try to find me.
I don't want you to get more wrapped up in this mess than you already have.
I love you both. Even you, Mary--you're like the sister I never really wanted, until I had her. Whereas Clayre actually is the sister I never really wanted.
...but I'm making too light of it. Please. Take care of yourselves.
And don't follow me.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
My baby
You are, perhaps wondering why I'm putting myself at such risk for this child. I know Erika is.
The answer is simple. There are two parts to it.
The first is the obvious one. Maternal love. It needs no real explanation.
The second, and stronger reason, however? Spite.
I am going to have this baby. I am not going to let anything stop me from having this baby.
I can tell Erika really, really wishes to argue with me, but for some reason, she cannot argue my reasoning. Perhaps spite is a powerful driving force for her as well.
I had better get back to bed, if for no other reason than the stop Erika's constant moaning that I should go back to bed. I imagine it's more fun for my little parasite if the sudden urge to pee wakes me up than if I'm up already.
...I wish Erika had better sleeping bags. Yes yes, I know, poor pampered pregnant city girl.
The answer is simple. There are two parts to it.
The first is the obvious one. Maternal love. It needs no real explanation.
The second, and stronger reason, however? Spite.
I am going to have this baby. I am not going to let anything stop me from having this baby.
I can tell Erika really, really wishes to argue with me, but for some reason, she cannot argue my reasoning. Perhaps spite is a powerful driving force for her as well.
I had better get back to bed, if for no other reason than the stop Erika's constant moaning that I should go back to bed. I imagine it's more fun for my little parasite if the sudden urge to pee wakes me up than if I'm up already.
...I wish Erika had better sleeping bags. Yes yes, I know, poor pampered pregnant city girl.
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Flowers
Today I woke up and resting on my chest was another bouquet of forget-me-nots.
Erika says this means we have to keep moving. This is simple for her to say, as she is not rapidly gaining weight, nor does she have to urinate every ten seconds because a tiny freeloader is growing inside of her.
She tells me it would be in my best interest to have an abortion. She tells me this at least once a day. She even offers to perform it herself.
I will not.
I will carry this baby to term.
Whether I will keep her, or whether she will go up for adoption is another thing, but she will be born into this world. I will have her. Nothing that monster can do will stop me.
I suppose I should sleep. I'll need all I can get, so I can wake to a bright, sunny morning of vomiting my guts out once again.
Erika says this means we have to keep moving. This is simple for her to say, as she is not rapidly gaining weight, nor does she have to urinate every ten seconds because a tiny freeloader is growing inside of her.
She tells me it would be in my best interest to have an abortion. She tells me this at least once a day. She even offers to perform it herself.
I will not.
I will carry this baby to term.
Whether I will keep her, or whether she will go up for adoption is another thing, but she will be born into this world. I will have her. Nothing that monster can do will stop me.
I suppose I should sleep. I'll need all I can get, so I can wake to a bright, sunny morning of vomiting my guts out once again.
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