I am fine

But regardless of that fact, we are about to go to the hospital.  Erika assures me we will be fine, and that we need to go.  Any trauma to me can hurt the baby.  Also, this finger will probably need re-attached.

I woke up missing my finger.  It was resting on the night stand, next to a sprig of lemon balm.

The wound's been dressed, but now I'm being rushed out of my seat.

I do not like missing my left ring finger, but I would like being arrested even less.  I

This is Extra.  I have taken  the computer from her.  We are leaving now, no matter how much she flails at me.

Something odd

I don't believe Erika is being entirely straight with me.

I am fairly certain she is being followed by something as well.

Every once in a while it becomes...cold.  Freezing, even.  Colder than even winter should be.

Even more rarely, I catch sight of a little boy covered in a layer of frost.

And I, typically, when this occurs, I hear a nursery rhyme.

Of course, Erika tells me it is nothing, as she tells me everything is "nothing".  It is surprising the walls of reality themselves don't fall down around Erika or Extra or whatever her name is, given the amount of times everything about her is "nothing".

Thanksgiving

I was thankful out of spite this year.  I am doing many things out of spite this year.

I was thankful for my baby, even though she's starting to be something of a hassle.  I am starting to wonder what sort of dementia I have been suffering wanting a second chance at pregnancy.  I was thankful for Erika, even if she is just about the worst person to have on hand while you're pregnant.  I was even thankful for this lovely bouquet I received.  I am not going to cower ever time I get some flowers.  You're stalking the wrong girl to get that reaction, you monster.

I am sort of worried about the end of my term, though.  What happens when I have to stay put?  It's going to happen sooner rather than later.  My second trimester will be over in roughly a month's time.  I won't be able to run, soon.

No, I'm not going to dwell on that.  Erika's been looking for a safe place.  In her own way, I suppose.  I need to focus on moving forward.  Protecting the baby.  For Tam and for myself.  I will see this through.

One more thing

Clayre.  Mary.

I've gotten your emails.  I'm sorry I can't tell you where I am.

I hope you realize it's for the best.  Don't try to find me.

I don't want you to get more wrapped up in this mess than you already have.

I love you both.  Even you, Mary--you're like the sister I never really wanted, until I had her.  Whereas Clayre actually is the sister I never really wanted.

...but I'm making too light of it.  Please.  Take care of yourselves.

And don't follow me.

My baby

You are, perhaps wondering why I'm putting myself at such risk for this child.  I know Erika is.

The answer is simple.  There are two parts to it.

The first is the obvious one.  Maternal love.  It needs no real explanation.

The second, and stronger reason, however?  Spite.

I am going to have this baby.  I am not going to let anything stop me from having this baby.

I can tell Erika really, really wishes to argue with me, but for some reason, she cannot argue my reasoning.  Perhaps spite is a powerful driving force for her as well.

I had better get back to bed, if for no other reason than the stop Erika's constant moaning that I should go back to bed.  I imagine it's more fun for my little parasite if the sudden urge to pee wakes me up than if I'm up already.

...I wish Erika had better sleeping bags.  Yes yes, I know, poor pampered pregnant city girl.

Flowers

Today I woke up and resting on my chest was another bouquet of forget-me-nots.

Erika says this means we have to keep moving.  This is simple for her to say, as she is not rapidly gaining weight, nor does she have to urinate every ten seconds because a tiny freeloader is growing inside of her.

She tells me it would be in my best interest to have an abortion.  She tells me this at least once a day.  She even offers to perform it herself.

I will not.

I will carry this baby to term.

Whether I will keep her, or whether she will go up for adoption is another thing, but she will be born into this world.  I will have her.  Nothing that monster can do will stop me.

I suppose I should sleep.  I'll need all I can get, so I can wake to a bright, sunny morning of vomiting my guts out once again.

Erika

I have  a little time.  Not much, but a little.  Erika--she has lost the war on preventing me from calling her that--wants us to get as far away from where we were as possible.  She doesn't want to police finding us.  I tend to agree--I doubt I would be very interesting quarry--if that is indeed what is keeping me alive--from protective custody.

She won't tell me much about herself.  She says she was watching me because I remind her of someone she lost.  She also says she was once a victim of these...creatures, herself, in the past.

I want to trust her, but...I don't know what to think, anymore.  I long for a time when I could blame the death of my fiance on the evils of man.  But now?  The world is so much darker than I knew it to be.  Can I afford to trust someone like her when literal creatures of darkness are out to get me and my unborn as well?

I should sleep.  I have a long day of being homeless and on the run tomorrow.