Empty

I wish this was not always a broken record these days.

Tam's gone.  He's gone.

It hits me in waves.  Sometimes, I will be sitting, and it will have, for scant, precious moments, slipped my mind.

And then, it all comes crashing back.  The horrible truth of it strikes me like a viper, and I am left broken.  Empty.

I love him so much.  Is this my fault?  Did I chase him away?

Please, Tam.  Please, I need you.  I can't raise this baby alone.  I'm not even sure I can carry her to term on my own.

I feel so weak.  I learned to be strong because he believed in me.  Now I feel...useless.  Pining and worn and tired, so tired.  Mary and Erika have tried to slip me drugs, to make me sleep.  I can't sleep.  What if he calls?  What if he needs me but I can't hear the phone?  Or I don't get his email in time?

...I should sleep regardless.  My sister is coming up tomorrow, to just...help me.  I'm not sure what she can do...but...

Goodnight, Tam.  I miss you.  Come home.